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fuck it Jan. 12th, 2005 @ 05:33 pm
I miss you,
dreary, dreaming.
Who is it I am missing?

I'm a liar.

unseen is undoubtfully better.
When it's meant to be that way.
Changing the script, re-writing it to fit.
And I'm staring at the ground again.

I'm ridiculous.

hideing again, but why?
I don't even know,
I'll say "fuck off" but never really say it.
And have never really meant it.
Or did I?

I'm embarrased.

Oct. 9th, 2004 @ 07:18 pm
i didn't know how it was seen.
i must have a short temper but im more than pissed off about it.

i don't know you,
never met you,
never will...
...never wanted to....

thats been said now let me say something straight forward (yes, since it seems like a problem.. whatever) .. this is the last post im making here..
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: hide-goodbye

Oct. 6th, 2004 @ 11:29 pm
when was the last time it mattered?

thanks for the warm reminder.
Let me know when i can tell you the truth...but who am i saying that to?
What if i tell the wrong person? but then again
when was the last time it mattered anyway.
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: hide-Lassie

Oct. 4th, 2004 @ 10:39 pm
mizuiro addiction
so kana... wakaru wake na yo.

do demo ii yo... Mizuiro happiness...or alteast temporary.

..itta -_-

Oct. 3rd, 2004 @ 07:02 pm

hm.. made a tutorial on makeup.. not the best, just the basics.. and i look terrible. but, anyway.  yeah you get this

ok.. Have fun.



Other entries
» (No Subject)
stretched and strapped down, my body died but i can see it all, i cant move, not even to divert my eyes.
Do you know what it is like to watch yourself die?
Do you know what its like when that last thought left your head, and you didnt even know that it was leaving?

im sick, im going back to sleep.
» (No Subject)
numb times 9.. but i feel it now.
I cant leave my room because i cant hold back some tears when i try to shut my mouth, soooo sore.

still sick.. now its hard to breath, now it even hurts >< ah
» (No Subject)
everyone dies.
I would hate to see her face watching that.
....i'm sorry.
» (No Subject)
wah lah~! perfect.

...memento mori..
nervous-weak- simple.
1- 2- 3.
» (No Subject)
Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Diagnosis: Autism.
A developmental disability resulting from a neurological disorder that affects the normal functioning of the brain. It is characterized by the abnormal development of communication skills, social skills, and reasoning. Symptoms, which vary widely in severity, include impairment in social interaction, fixation on inanimate objects, inability to communicate normally, and resistance to changes in daily routine.

now thats been said..im going back to sleep.
I feel sick today.
» (No Subject)
...over 200.. i was given back 2 exactly.
I tried. I REALLY tried. but 2..

I just want to sleep.. lay down and go to sleep.
Then i find myself writing this journal.
» (No Subject)
im to easily distracted.
i wish i could keep my mind on one thing.
I do something.. think about something else.

the string around my finger pulls tighter and im stuck just out of reach. to bad the scissors are a bit too far, and my teeth have already fallen out.
» (No Subject)
damn dog *kicks dog*
unending merry-go-round *kicks dog*

goodmorning to a bloody medical glove,razor pieces and tissues with bloody spots all over them. goodmorning. damn dog.

I cut my foot on a piece of the razor on the floor.
I think im having a bad day. DAMN DOG! *kicks dog*
» (No Subject)
I hate the smell of salt and iron.
Only a childish game would make someone keep it in a jar.
Its disgusting. It sent me autisic. It made me feel sick again.
hm.. show someone.. and tell me that its not for attention? kuh, if i could kill you for being so manipulative so dramatic.. i would.
» (No Subject)
still no string..

its raining...i hope it gets sunny.
» (No Subject)
broke D.. no playing today.
» (No Subject)
stop stop stop..why wont it stop..stop.. why ..why do i want it to stop.. stop.. it will just happen again.. over and over.. fucking play with my head. stop.

( yes i edited this entry and deleted the one i wrote earlier this day)
» (No Subject)
Home again.

Help you? No..im not a part of it.
So quick to lay blame on someone.. i CAN see you digging for reasons.
Talk to you? No..i wont give you ammunition while you sit me in the middle of the fireing.
I just need to get out.

I think i will walk.
mm.. another walk.
Im getting healthy but i still am sick.
Another walk.
Tired..Walking again.
i just need to get out for a while.
» (No Subject)
its been a few days and just this morning i realized that i forgot what it was like here. ><

I would like to call a time out.
Game is cheat,
game is manipulation.
self satisfaction from toture.
Game is inadvertent massochism.

I felt sick again yesterday.
I left at 1 or 2 in the morning.
i had time to sign offline this time.

The cabinet helped me again..my nose felt bloody and my head like a balloon just before it burst..
I was more calm and serene than i have ever been..not happy.. just serene.. as i fell aspleep starting at the corners and closing around me falling backward....
I want to stop but this morning i reached for it again. I wouldnt if i could stop getting sick.
» (No Subject)
i lied again.

Dodging running.. telling lieing

The more i know the more sick i think i am.
So i stopped paying attention.

i'm your tin foil marionette, pulling this string makes me jump with a painfull crackle.

One more.. it will make me normal and autistic. I feel like a cancer in my own skull.
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